How Does Past Relationship Trauma Affect My Current Relationships?

Posted: October 25, 2024

If you’ve had a bad experience in a former relationship, you may be wary of getting close to anyone again. You might be afraid of getting hurt again, or convinced that you cannot rely on anyone but yourself. When you’ve had negative experiences in past relationships, you may be dealing with relationship trauma. Below, we’ll discuss what this means, and how this sort of trauma can affect your current relationships, and when seeking therapy for trauma is the best option

What is relationship trauma?

Before learning about the effects of trauma, it’s helpful to have a general definition of relationship trauma. Relationship trauma occurs when someone experiences emotional, psychological, or physical harm within a close relationship. This trauma can result from repeated incidents of betrayal, manipulation, or abuse, leaving lasting effects on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Unlike a one-time distressing event, relationship trauma often develops over time as a person endures ongoing mistreatment, such as gaslighting, neglect, or control by a partner, family member, or close friend. Some forms of relationship trauma may even involve physical or sexual abuse. Now, when you hear the word “trauma,” you may think of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is a serious mental health condition that develops in people exposed to a traumatic event. To be diagnosed with PTSD, a person must experience threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. Some forms of relationship trauma may fall under this definition. However, psychological mistreatment within a relationship may not meet the PTSD definition. Nonetheless, any sort of serious, repeated mistreatment in a relationship can cause psychological harm, thereby falling under the umbrella of relationship trauma. For the purposes of this article, we’ll include psychological or emotional abuse under our definition of relationship trauma.

How Relationship Trauma Can Affect Current Relationships

When you leave an unhealthy relationship, you’re likely to be left with lasting effects. Getting out of the relationship is an important step in healing, but you’ll still have emotional scars. The continuous exposure to harm and mistreatment that occurs with relationship trauma can deeply affect how you see yourself, taking a negative toll on your self-worth and your ability to trust others. The specific impacts of relationship trauma are discussed below in more detail.

Heightened Anxiety

A history of relationship trauma can cause anxiety in your current relationships. Naturally, you’d want to avoid being hurt again the way you were hurt in the past. Your desire to avoid this pain can cause anxiety, leaving you feeling constantly on edge. This anxiety develops because you’re constantly worried that mistreatment may happen again. You’re probably also looking for warning signs that old patterns are repeating themselves in current relationships.

Negative Views of Oneself

Being subjected to relationship trauma can cause you to develop negative views about yourself. You may blame yourself for the abuse you endured, or convince yourself that you deserved the mistreatment. These feelings can lead to shame and low self-esteem, which you may carry into your next relationship.

Distorted Perceptions of Relationships

A traumatic relationship can alter the way you view relationships on the whole. You may develop distorted views toward relationships in general, believing that they will always involve pain and mistreatment. In your current relationship, this can translate to having a difficult time trusting your partner. You might even push them away because you expect them to hurt you.

PTSD Symptoms

In the most severe cases of relationship trauma, you may develop PTSD symptoms. If a former partner subjected you to physical abuse or sexual violence, for instance, you are at risk of developing PTSD symptoms. If you do develop this mental health disorder, you’ll experience symptoms like negative emotions, flashbacks of the trauma, intrusive memories, and even outbursts of anger. These symptoms can understandably take a toll on your current relationships.

Healing From The Trauma

The effects of past relationship trauma, noted above, can impact your current relationship. Unhealed trauma may cause anxiety to leak into the relationship, or you may push your current partner away, because you’re fearful of being hurt again. Your current partner may be frustrated by these behaviors, which can be confusing for them, especially if they don’t have a history of trauma. Given the negative effects of unhealed trauma on your psychological well-being and your personal relationships, healing is essential. It can be helpful to reach out to a trauma-informed therapist, who can help you process your emotions and reframe the way you see yourself and relationships in general. A therapist can help you develop a better understanding of trauma and strengthen your coping strategies while helping you rebuild a sense of safety and trust. At Bridge to Balance, we’re experts in trauma-informed therapies. We can connect you with a therapist who understands your pain points and can walk alongside you on your journey toward healing. We have three office locations in New Jersey, and we recently opened an office in Portland, Maine. Visit our webpage today to learn more or schedule an appointment. Sources: 1)https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16 2)https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0886260518779596?casa_token=EtQhipXa6HMAAAAA%3Ajbf4-4u_Vx0jFp3LNXB52XZXkMMF3_lhqjULAAoTA960XBrMClJMQ18VcW5eCtaPU4OR-966MLBm-g 3)https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10896-014-9621-6